Fanfic Friday – “Rough Morning”

15 Jun

Doug groaned as his alarm clock screamed bloody murder into the peaceful morning. He punched it, maybe a bit too roughly. Its high-pitched wailing squeaked into sparking silence and Doug, bleary-eyed, gingerly removed his hand from the shattered plastic.


When he put on his shell, he noticed that it was smeared in several places with chewing gum. He saw his coworkers in his mind’s eye, sniggering behind his back. He’d have to take a chisel to it, and then buff it out again – a good hour’s worth of work. No time now. Doug did not relish the idea of wearing it for another whole day.

His electric razor died halfway through his left cheek, clenching ferociously onto his face like a wolverine. He saw blood when he tore it away.

“Hon, you okay?” his wife said, when he slouched into the kitchen. “You’re lookin’ a little…tired.”

Doug sighed, and walked over to kiss her forehead. “It’s been a rough week. I’ve had to work double shifts just to pay our heating bill. And Boss is really cracking down on us. It’s been hard.”

He sat down, and his wife put a plate of delicious-looking scrambled eggs, buttered toast, and fried mushroom in front of him. The scent of that succulent breakfast was like smelling salts, suddenly jerking him awake, his mouth already salivating. Beside him, his infant daughter burbled and whacked her spoon against her high chair.

Doug looked down at his plate and felt roughly a billion times better than he had five minutes earlier. He reached for the salt, and his rising good spirits crumbled and fell away like chunks of wet cake as the saltshaker’s lid popped off, and its entire contents poured out onto his eggs. The mound of salt, spiked like a little miniature mountain, sat spitefully on his breakfast.

“Oh…oh no, honey…” said his wife, hand to her mouth. “I must not have screwed it on right. I’m so sorry, I’ll make you some more.”

An inferno was blazing behind Doug’s eyes, and he felt a welling of rage inside his chest like lava, ready to burst free from his mouth and scorch everything in sight. His hand clenched his fork so hard it began to bend. An angry, y-shaped vein popped out of his temple and pulsed dangerously.

Then his little girl began to laugh, pointing at his breakfast. He turned his feral eyes on her, and immediately softened at the pure, wholesome joy on her face. She positively shrieked with mirth, and, looking down, Doug found himself beginning to chuckle as well. Then he laughed, deep from his belly. His daughter laughed too, spurred on by her father’s reaction.

“Don’t bother, hon,” said Doug to his wife. “I have to go anyway.”

He snatched one of the pieces of toast from his plate and kissed his daughter’s soft head as he got up. She cooed at him, and Doug knew everything would work itself out. Somehow.

His wife stopped him at the door. “Honey…” she said, looking up at him. God, he thought, I am the luckiest man in the world.

Her eyes shone. “Will we be okay?”

Doug smiled at her, loving her so much it made his heart ache. “We’ll be fine.”

When Doug arrived at work, things just kept getting better. His recon path was clean and swept, his pipe was functional, and his coworkers were nowhere in sight. He felt so cheerful, he decided to get right to it. He started his walk, pacing back and forth like a pro, scanning vigilantly for signs of danger. His back was straight, his chest was out. Doug Koopa felt like he was on top of the world.

Then, out of nowhere, he heard a hooting battle-cry and a garlic-scented boot descended upon him, collapsing his spine and popping him right out of his shell. As he lay broken and twisted on the ground, his vision swimming with agony, he saw him – the Enemy – pluck his shell up and hoist it in the air.

Doug Koopa didn’t even have time to think before it was sailing towards his face.


One Response to “Fanfic Friday – “Rough Morning””

  1. Your dad June 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    I didn’t know that scrambled eggs were ” delicious looking” I thought they were just delicious. 😉

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