On Productivity; Or, Where The Hell Have You Been

4 Feb

Well hey there interwebs.

It’s been a long, grueling road, but I have returned. Yes, I’m back, and you may release the collective breath of relief you’ve been holding in this whole time. My absence was unavoidable, but not fruitless; it is my hope that the things I have learned on my self-imposed exile will, in Yoda’s proud muppet tradition, allow me to become a better conduit from which you may draw the infinite mysteries of the universe. Finding your cup running over with truth, you will drink of it, and be sated.

muppetz 4 lyfe, muthafucka

Dude knew his shit

I won’t enumerate the reasons why I neglected this digital soapbox, like you would a scabby, sickly pet, but I could only ignore its big baby eyes and pathetic mewling for so long. I found my fist, tightened around the newspaper roll and raised to strike, lowering to my side.

That, and there have been some milestones in my recent life which bear mentioning. Healthiest and strongest among the litter is this strapping pup, from Eliot Burdett’s self-actualization Shangri-La, eliotburdett.com. Seeing my life’s desires stretched out before me in a fiercely intimidating wheel, daring me to scale their terrifying escarpments, a fire was awoken deep within me.

We in the biz call it “motivation”.

Suffice it to say, I’m grabbing the helm, and turning my life around. I’m taking the things I want in life, naming them, putting a deadline on them, and making them come true; and within two weeks I’ve lost eight pounds, gone to all my classes, and learned three new songs on my guitar. I’m a productivity robot and my prime directive is being as awesome as possible. It won’t be long before I’m buffed back to my original glossy sheen, and then I’m going to push it a bit further. I won’t be happy until you can eat off of me.

Ok that got a bit weird.

The point, if it has been difficult to sift through this stream of nonsense to find the precious nugget within, is that one of my goals for 2011 is to write more, and I have made a commitment to myself and to the universe to post something here once a week. Whether it’s jive flapdoodle from my past (perhaps we’ll troll the depths of my old LiveJournal, and see what monsters lurk below), pointless claptrap from the present, or channelled messages from the future, something will show up here, once a week, ready for your outstretched hands to grasp and cherish.

I sincerely hope you’ll be here to share it with me.

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3 Responses to “On Productivity; Or, Where The Hell Have You Been”

  1. withloveandlaughter February 5, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

    Subscribed. No big deal.

    [Also, I love that my incessant nagging got me a preview of this post. Booyeah achieved. (Which is also, coincidentally, what is written in the middle of my wheel. Yeah… I tried it, even though I hate goal setting with a fiery passion. Which is ironic since I was all like “yo guys, you should write down your goals or whatever” when I did all that fun leadership stuff. … We should organize a Big Game sometime. I miss those.)]

    • jcdynamite February 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

      ALSO SUBSCRIBED. Back atcha baby.
      Congrats on your one small step for Sonia, one giant leap for the universe. You know how it feels really awesome? Keep it that way, strive for that feeling, crave it, and your goals will be laid to waste in the wake of your excellence.
      Also, Big Game ON.

  2. RedWein February 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    I can’t help but see this disturbing image in my head when I see that wheel, I wonder why that is? Besides that, keep the motivation going and keep writing, hiding your talents from the world is more selfish than Boromir on Parth Galen. Beast mode man, WE BE BEASTIN.

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